Bilal Dardai

Active Ensemble 2004 – 2016
Booking Coordinator 2009 – 2012
Artistic Director 2012 – 2015

Bilal Dardai is the name of the artist for which this paragraph has been written. The paragraph is designed to give you additional information about the artist, Bilal Dardai, that you might otherwise have to learn from conversation or other sources. In theory, the paragraph offers you an easy means to learn more information about the aforementioned artist, Bilal Dardai, which is why you have been reading this paragraph.

Until you realize, of course, that the paragraph told you next to nothing about Bilal Dardai, save that the paragraph was meant to be about Bilal Dardai, the artist for whom the paragraph had been written. So you continue reading the following paragraph in the hopes that this paragraph will present to you the information you were unable to find in the first paragraph.

But then the second paragraph ended as well with no more information about Bilal Dardai than had been found in the first paragraph. And ultimately, the frustration of having read two-plus paragraphs that did not give you the information you wished made you decide that you didn’t want to learn anything about this artist, Bilal Dardai, for whom no information was readily available despite there being a set of paragraphs designed to give you information about Bilal Dardai.

And the fourth paragraph was going to tell you everything, but once it realized you were gone it decided there was no point to it.

Stuff by Bilal

Bad Blend

BILAL, MEGAN, KURT, JAY, RYAN, CAITLIN, TIF, and LEAH sit around a table, all holding empty mugs. 


MM: Skim milk, usually, unless it’s a meal replacement. Then I’ll use half and half.

BD: Soy milk or non-dairy creamer.

CS: I use a disgusting amount of cream.

BD: Sweetener?

CS: One packet of Splenda.

MM: Two packets.

BD: Three.

MM: If it’s premium stuff, I’ll use raw sugar.

LU: I usually just drink it straight black.

KC: That’s what I do.

RW: Me too.

TH: Same here.

LU: Everyday?

RW: Everyday.

KC: You know it.

TH: Damn right.

LU: My dawgs.


They fist-bump.


KC/RW/TH: Boom.

LU: Gangsta.




MM: Y’all know that I’m only saying that as a twenty-something white girl from Alabama, right?

ALL: Oh, sure, sure.

MM: I mean, I could probably drink it black if I had to. I just prefer not to.

LU: Oh, I hear ya, girl. I actually prefer skim milk and some simple syrup, I just never seem to have any.

KC: I still prefer it black.

RW: Me too.

TH: (bumps her fist to her chest and gives a “black power” salute)

LU: Well, you all understand I’m only saying that as a pale blonde white girl from Nebraska.

MM/BD/JT/KC/TH/CS: Oh sure, sure.

RW: So what? I’m blond. I’m from Nebraska.

BD: Your hair is brown.

RW: It’s sandy.

BD: And you’re a guy, and you’re like ten years older than Leah.

MM: Whole different demographic.

KC: Well, let me just say, as the only Asian-American at this table, I prefer it black.

BD: Hello.

KC: You don’t count. People think you’re African-American.

BD: Who thinks I’m African-American?

LU: Some guy came I met referred to you as the black guy with the beard.

BD: That’s one guy!

KC: One guy willing to say it out loud.

BD: Well, speaking as the member of this ensemble most likely to be confused for African-American, I still prefer it light and sweet.

MM: Like your women?

BD: I’m married.

LU: Yeah.

LU/CS/MM/TH: To a white woman.

BD: For the record, I’ve got plenty of friends who drink it the same way you people…the way you do.

MM/KC/RW/LU/CS/TH: Oh, sure, sure.

CS: Listen, can’t we all just agree that it’s equally good no matter how you drink it?

JT: Guys, I don’t even like coffee.


Stunned silence. Then big reaction from everybody.


MM: Wow.

RW: Wow.

LU: I don’t even know what to say to that, Jay.

JT: It tastes like liquid fertilizer.

KC: I mean, Jay, seriously. A gay man from Ohio.

JT: I’m allowed to not like coffee.

BD: Of course you are, Jay. And so are women and the middle class. I just can’t understand why.

MM/KC/RW/LU/TH/CS: Yeah, yeah, me neither.

JT: I voted for Obama.

LU: Whoa. Jump topics much?


Everybody but JT slurps their empty cups.


JT: I like Bailey’s Irish Cream.

MM: You would.


Beat. Everybody but JT slurps their empty cups.


JT: Those mugs are empty.

KC: Your soul is empty.


Everybody but JT slurps their empty cups.