Departures & Arrivals


Write a blog post.  Why. Why should I.  To get people to come to the show.  Why.  Because it’s awesome and they’ll have a great time.  So. So what.  What’s your problem?  They’re just going to leave.  The audience?  Yes.  No. They’re going to come.  But after they come they’ll go.  So?  So what’s the point.  To enjoy it while they’re here.  But then they’ll be gone.  They have to leave at some point.  Why.  Because.  They have to, like, eat.  We sell snacks.  Those aren’t nutritious and you know it.  I’ll miss them.  They’ll come back.  You don’t know that. You don’t know they’ll come back.  Some people say that if you love something you have to let it go and if it loves you too it’ll come back on its– Gross. 


Just tell them.  Tell them what.  To come to Too Much Light and see this week’s 10 new plays.  Why don’t you do it since you want them to leave so bad.  I want them to come, not leave.  I told you already if they come they’re going to leave. Like John.  John Pierson?  It’s John’s last weekend in the show. For a year. He’s going to Japan.  I know!  JAPAN.  Yes! Another reason to get your ass to the theater and catch his last beautiful handful of plays while you still can!  Deserter.  He’s not deserting. He’s departing, which makes room for new people to arrive.  Like who.  Like Chloe Johnston!  Chloe’s okay.  Just okay?  No, she’s a super-talented brilliantly glittering gem of a Neo-Futurist.  That’s better.  BUT SHE’S LEAVING TOO.  She’s arriving.  In four weeks she’ll leave just like John.  It’s true that she’s here for a limited time. This weekend is the only time you can see John and Chloe in the show together!  Before they both leave forever. Not forever.


Why are you so grumpy?  Because Tif Harrison is back and we forgot to blog about it last week.  She’s still here this week. With more plays. Kicking ass. Making hummus.  Tif has a new play in about her hometown, about having left it. Makes me sad.  Jesus Christ.


How would you have it? No one come to the theater at all so we never have to watch them go? Us doing the show for no one, keeping the lights on and running AC in an empty room?  THAT’S ANOTHER THING.  What?  Why is it so hot.  Summer’s coming.  It was winter a minute ago.  Yes.  Winter was here and then it abandoned us.  Oh come on.  Winter was making me stronger!  Stronger.  Yes.  Stronger.  YES. I WAS GREAT AT COORDINATING LAYERS AND I BROKE IN MY SNOW BOOTS AND I HAD JUST DEVELOPED A HARD, GLOSSY EXOSKELETON MADE OUT OF STRESS-TENSED MUSCLE TISSUE AND FROZEN TEARS. 


You just don’t want to be happy.  YES I DO. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WAS HAPPY IN THE COLD BUT NOW I’M NOT HAPPY, I’M SWEATY. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING HAPPY AND SWEATY.  Not really.  YES THERE IS.  Do you want a foot rub?  What?  Do you want a foot rub.

Why?  No reason.  How much?  No charge.  What’s in it for you?  I get to give you a foot rub.  Why?  Do you want one?  …Yes.  Great. Take your shoes off.  Okay.  Good?  Yes. That’s good.


Thank you.

So what is your most favorite play in the show this week?

All of them.

You can do this, too.

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