The Miss Neo Pageant: Meet Miss Not Gonna Cry
Name: Tif Harrison
Hometown: St. Charles, MI. Population: 2,500
Education: As far as my parents are concerned, College Graduate.
Platform Issue: Promoting Affordable, Comprehensive Sexual Health for All While Never Having to Look at My Own Cervix because I’m Totally Grossed Out by it.
Talent: Does anyone need coffee?
Career Ambition: Having one job that pays more than $15,000 a year.
Local Competition Sponsor: My Therapist
The Miss Neo Pageant Personal Interview
Q: How do you measure success?
I’d like to say minutes, but I know the answer is hours.
Q: When is the last time you failed? How did you handle it?
Yesterday, I ate a very big bag of puffed Cheetos while watching an entire season of Extreme Couponing. Eventually, I finished the bag of Cheetos.
Q: What do you see when you look in the mirror?
A person who used to be 24.
Q: How are you different from the other contestants?
Did you know we all have blue eyes? Isn’t that weird?
Q: Why do you want to win this pageant?
To feed my insatiable thirst for fame, duh!